Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Letsnurture with fun

It is near the end of the school year. The teacher has turned in the grades and there is really nothing more to do. All the children are restless because of this.

Teacher: "Whoever answers the questions I ask, first and correctly can leave early today."

Little Johnny says to himself "Good, I want to get outta here. I'm smart and will answer the question."

Teacher: "Who said 'Four Score and Seven Years Ago'?"

Before Johnny can open his mouth, Susie says, "Abraham Lincoln."

Teacher: "That's right Susie, you can go home."

Johnny is mad that Susie answered the question first.

Teacher: "Who said 'I Have a Dream'?"

Before Johnny can open his mouth, Mary says, "Martin Luther King."

Teacher: "That's right Mary, you can go."

Johnny is even madder than before.

Teacher: "Who said 'Ask not, what your country can do for you'?"

Before Johnny can open his mouth, Nancy says, "John F. Kennedy."

Teacher: "That's right Nancy, you may also leave."

Johnny is boiling mad that he has not been able to answer to any of the questions.

When the teacher turns her back Johnny says, "I wish these bitches would keep their mouths shut!"

The teacher turns around: "NOW WHO SAID THAT?"

Johnny: "Tiger Woods. CAN I GO NOW?"

*Source JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 18th May, 2010

Thursday, May 6, 2010

humour-everwhere -woodly-allen -quotes

  • "My education was dismal. I went to a series of schools for mentally disturbed teachers".
  • "His lack of education is more than compensated for by his keenly developed moral bankruptcy."
  • "I don't want to achieve immortality through my work... I want to achieve it through not dying. "
  • "It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept better... while the bad ones seemed to enjoy the waking hours much more. "
  • "My one regret in life is that I am not someone else."
  • "He was so depressed, he tried to commit suicide by inhaling next to an Armenian"
  • "I failed to make the chess team because of my height. "
  • "I think being funny is not anyone's first choice. "
  • "I'm such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own. "
  • "I've never been an intellectual but I have this look. "
  • "If my films don't show a profit, I know I'm doing something right. "
  • "In Beverly Hills... they don't throw their garbage away. They make it into television shows"
  • "In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker"
  • "Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television. "
  • "Man consists of two parts, his mind and his body, only the body has more fun. "
  • "Marriage is the death of hope. "
  • "The talent for being happy is appreciating and liking what you have, instead of what you don't have. "
  • "A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me and she said 'no'."
  • "To you I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition. "
  • "Tradition is the illusion of permanance. "
  • "You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred"